Is it insulting or motivating?
Hey there -- I was sharing this story with a client of mine whose manager was 'gently remarking' on the fullness of their call log.
I know you know this life ;)
So, tell me if my advice to her was good...
I told her, sometimes it can feel like your manager is breathing down your neck.
Constantly pointing out areas for improvement, offering feedback, and pushing you harder than everyone else.
It can feel frustrating—like you’re being singled out.
(tl;dr, I shared what I'd say to him/her below)
But ...
what if I told you that this kind of attention could be your biggest career advantage?
When I was in high school, I played libero on my volleyball team.
One practice, it felt like my coach was picking on me.
Every. single. move. I. made. earned a comment:
“You could get there faster”
“Call your name louder”
“Sprint quicker”
By the end of practice, I was fuming.
(which if you know me, it's hard to get me there)
Why wasn’t he focusing on the rest of the team?
Everyone was making mistakes, but I was the one under his microscope.
After practice, I confronted him:
“Why are you picking on me? Why can’t you see how hard I’m trying?”
What he said stopped me cold:
“Claire, I wouldn’t be pushing you if I didn’t see potential. I know what you’re capable of, and that’s why I’m harder on you.”
That one moment shifted everything for me.
His criticism wasn’t about what I was doing wrong—it was about what I could do.
Why Tough Feedback Is a Gift
When a manager, coach, or mentor focuses on you, it’s often because they see potential.
They’re investing time and energy into your development because they believe in what you can become.
If they didn’t care about your growth, they wouldn’t bother giving you feedback at all.
So the question remains, what do we DO with this reframe?
As the resident comeback kid, I say we use it to our advantage.
Here's how:
Recognize the Investment: Understand that consistent feedback is a sign of belief in your abilities, not a critique of your worth.
Seek the Bigger Picture: Ask your manager what they see in you.
For example, “I appreciate all your feedback—I really do-- and I know you only spend your time where it's well spent. Is there some potential you see that I'm not seeing? What do you see I'm capable of that I'm missing? If I can be vulnerable with you for a moment here, what are the strengths you see in me that I should be building on?"
Now: LISTEN
Embrace it: Treat every piece of feedback as an opportunity to sharpen your skills and grow into your potential.
Gratitude: Let your manager know you value their guidance. Saying, “Thank you for pushing me—I know you’re helping me improve,” strengthens the relationship.
Why This Mindset Will Set You Apart
Most people shy away from constructive criticism. They see it as a sign of failure instead of an opportunity for growth. But when you learn to embrace feedback, you set yourself apart as someone willing to adapt, grow, and take ownership of your potential.
The hardest lessons often bring the biggest rewards.
A Simple Thought to Carry Forward
The next time you feel like your manager is being overly critical, pause. Ask yourself: What potential do they see in me that I’m not fully tapping into yet? You might be surprised at how much they believe in your ability to rise to the challenge.
Thinking of you and your incredible potential today.
And rooting for you -- hard!
—Claire
